Count Up To Edinburgh #9 Mission Complete

During the Edinburgh festival, if someone were to circulate a false rumour that so and so big bollox TV executive / stage producer was holding open auditions a mile out into the shark and sewage infested sea, beyond Leith docks, a hyper-enthusiastic undulating throng of merry actors, comedians, poets, magicians, clowns, knife-throwers and jugglers would saunter en-masse (armed with flyers), down to the murky waters only to perish to certain death; disappearing in floating pools of blood and sludge and flyers with review quotes stapled to them. For years after, passers by along Leith Port would hear distant murmurs of 'free comedy' and '4 star review' haunting the docks. Let's have it right, I'd probably be one of them mugs, though I'm sure I would have got half way there, seen all the people heading in the same direction, cussed them off for being more organised than  me and then abandoned all hope and sulked off to one of them late night takeaways that sell chips in curry sauce; either that or I'd turn up on the wrong day or something. In short. Edinburgh is like an extreme form of Monopoly, only difference is, it can seem, depending on what kind of day you've had, that everyone starts off with more dough and know-how than you.

Mate. Edinburgh was nuts. I knew it would be nuts. Knowing it would be nuts didn't make it any less nuts, it was still nuts. But all in all, a good nuts. To do it, and to want to do it, then want to go back and do it again, you do have to be at least slightly nuts. It just helps (a lot) if you've got the sort of dough behind you that would see you drinking in the sort of pubs that sell 10 different varieties of flavoured nuts (which come in jam jars) as a poncy alternative to crisps (which in itself is nuts because crisps are banging, all crisps, even Space Invaders.)

I pretty much had 3 objectives going up there, well, 4 actually.

1: To book, organise and get a show up there then put it on every day. (This stuff does not come easy to me)

2: Get my face in front of some new people, outside of London and from hopefully as many different places as possible (though half of the people at the Fringe are probably from London)

3: Get a couple of reviews.

4: Have a laugh (though this one was more of a given)

I'm happy to say that I achieved all of those objectives. The outcomes could have been better but also could have been a lot of worse. Could of improved in all of those above areas, particularly in my preparation; prior to this I'd never sent out a press release before let alone written one. Probably could have used my time up there more efficiently as well, flyering other events etc but all in all, I was pleased.

Me at the Pilgrim. That curtain behind me was at times the only thing between me and a bar full of noisy boozers. My audience was in front of me, presumably all looking at my Millwall tie thinking 'I swear that was from the 96-97 season range, great year for the club shop that was."

This was taken form the last show which to my surprise was packed. Dominic Berry took this, one of the many people who I met up there who I really enjoyed spending time with. There was a lady just out of shot, who just before the show started whacked my arse while I was bending over setting up. I told her it wasn't that sort of show.

The first week was very up and down and despite having a good audience for my first 2 shows it really dropped off and I was struggling a bit. Walking around the city, already sodden and cold, seeing all the massive hoardings and billboards advertising really banal looking shows, most of which had some quirky face on, with each one seemingly telling me, 'you can't afford this, go home, you small time mug.' Sounds a bit melodramatic but at times that's how I felt. Some of these people that take shows up there, must be able to write off £10K or some other ludicrous amount and it not be a problem. For many people though,  it must break the bank. Everything up there costs and it's very difficult if you don't have a lot of money. High venue costs. High accommodation costs. Massive billboard posters. PR Companies. It's a lot. Thank God then for The Free Fringe and the ethos with which is stands for, which meant I didn't pay for hiring the venue I performed in, which is a massive cost. Simple really. We don't pay to hire the venue, audience don't pay to come in, venue takes the bar. It can work. The Pilgrim, where I was based, did really well, smashing all their targets. All in all I spent about £1500 squid, not even a fraction of what some of these shows must have cost. It also helped that all the other guys in my venue we're really helpful and pitched in with flyering, and regular pick-me-up support etc. Made The Pilgrim a decent place to work at. Large up Soundman Davey Jones, Gecko (best flyer-er in the game mate!) Jake Wildhall, Joel Autterson and all the Boomerang Club crew, Harry Baker and Chris, Robert Garnham, Dave and Byron and of course all of the Pilgrim staff who were all really supportive.

The Pilgrim Boys: L-R Joel, Harry, Gecko, Jake. At back, Harry and me outside The Pilgrim Bar, Edinburgh

Second week picked up and I got a lot better at flyering and generally pulling people in etc. All the additional gigs helped too, Boomerang, Stand Up and Slam, Raise The Bar, Prepare To Fail, all of which helped. Felt like I got a into a good swing with it and the audiences were good to, generally really responsive. My mate Gary From Leeds said to me before we went up that things would start slow then pick up, and he was right. He was right about most things up there, though I did manage to persuade him that chips in curry sauce was better than chips in gravy, eventually he came round. Had a reviewer come in from Broadway Baby who gave me a decent 4 star review which I was chuffed about. Have a butchers here

Also somewhere in the second week I had a nice chat about it all with Paul McMenemy from Lunar Poetry. As always, I talked to much. I'd just done a show so my voice was a bit raspy. It was fun though. Have a listen HERE

The last week was wicked. Audicnes were good and I felt like I knew what I was doing by this point. There was bit of a dip on one or two days but from what I'd heard this was felt throughout the festival. Couple of people said to me that in general numbers were down on previous years, something to do with The Olympics or Great British Bake Off or some other nonsense. I really enjoyed the chats I got to have most days, out and about on the streets, with other performers, punters etc. Big up Bob Walshy Walsh, who I had a good chinwag with most days about all things football and South London. When out flyering, it's a bit like a melty version of The Wire, on the street, all hand signals and that, comminicating to the other flyerers, working out the punters movements and who's likley to want to take a flyer. It was thoughts like that which kept me amused on the slow days. But yea, in the end it all went well. The last show was by far the biggest and most generous audience I'd had and it was great to go out on a banger. Had another decent review from a young reviewer too by the name of Ben Huxley, have a butcher's here (though both Dominic Berry and I had a bit of giggle about the unlikely comparison.) Though I got to perform to many people, I was chuffed that on most days there was someone I knew in the audaince, a lot who took me by surprise. I had a lot of freinds and family who came all the way up. Conrad, Fez and Junior came twice! Mum, Dad and Nat flew up just for the day. Met some really great people to, some who also came twice, like this really nice family from Cambridge, two of which were teachers. Had a lot of teachers. Big up Riko and family too. Thankyou, all of you, even the one or two rude ones who did'nt pay any attention and were talking or playing on their phones thoughout. Don't undertsand why you do that when you can just get up leave, it's Free Fringe innit, but still, you interest and annoy me in equal measure.

Special mention must go to all the residents of Poetry House. My flatmates for the duration of the festival. Had a great time staying with these guys, all the nonsense chats in the kitchen and the many pick-me-ups along the way. Fay Roberts (got to do the best / worst / weirdest gig with Fay), Dominic Berry,(ahhhhhhhhhhh football-style audaince support) Alexander Rhodes, Hannah Chutzpah all the various poets and mates of mates who came up and stayed, and of course my roomate, Gary From Leeds. Legend mate. Helped me all the way back from last year, to get my arse up there and pull it off. In that tiny cabin room that stank of damp towles, we had a good laugh, through the good times and the bad. Highlight of the Fringe for me was when Gary rescused a component from my beard trimmer from off of the roof, using gaffter tape, a brolly, a broom and sheer MacGyver like skills.

So yea, all in all, I had a wonderful time, high and lows, old friends, euphoira and sadness, new friends and a lot of laughs. Would I do it all again? Probably. Yes. Dunno...ask me in 6 months mate.

Creatine live at Sofar Sounds

Hello! So this is the first post up here since Edinburgh but it's not an Edinburgh post. That will come, soon, possibly this weekend. I'm still unwinding from all that....

Anyway. Back in July sometime, on a nice Sunday afternoon, I was getting ready to run through the material for the Edinburgh show when I got a call, from a mate, who's mate had rung him, as their mate had pulled out of a Sofar Sounds gig and they needed someone, within about 2 hours. I answered the call and bowled up to some warehououse in Manor House and did this gig. They filmed it. Here it is. Enjoy it. I did.

Count Up To Edinburgh #8 I can count the days on my right hand now

So in one weeks time I'll be up there. Bonkers mate! Been building up to this all year but it's now suddenly come round very fast. Bit of a cliche but it's true. Mind you, the last month has been mental, I've not had a great deal of time to think about it really. In the last two weeks I've finished my school job for the summer, finished a 2 month youth project with Lyrix Organix, called Kingston Roots and just completed a 2 week musical theatre residency at Stratford Theatre Royal with Conrad Murray. And oh yea, I've moved out of my house as well. Not the most ideal of preparation but I'm alright none the less. Could do with a fat kip though. You know, one of those massive 16 hour ones that proper recharge you, waking up in a light and airy room with cotton drape curatins gently flapping in the summer breeze, with a load of Andrex puppies rolling round in carzy roll. I'm rooming with Gary From Leeds up in Edinburgh, I might ask him if he wants to stand in for the Andrex Puppies.

Look at that mug with his Edinburgh show

 It dawned on me this morning whilst brushing my teeth that this is all now happening next week, it's actually happening. I'm about to go and do 25 shows plus extra gigs, as well as having to go out there and get the punters in every day, which in itself is quite daunting. Of course, I knew all of this when I signed up and I'm making it sound like I'm about to go to war or something. I'm going to do a show in a pub / bar..I like performing, why the worry? I don't have the answer to that question. My reactions are probably way over the top but it's still a big deal for me. I'm sure I'll look all at this in a few months time and laugh, whilst thinking what a nob. There's a whole bunch of people I know who are going up there and I'm sure it'l be a laugh. It'l no doubt be a slog at points but that's all part and parcel. No pain no gain and all that. By sticking the show on, I wanted to see if I could actually do it and I'm doing it. Putting my money where my mouth is. Not that I have much money, but my mouth is reasonably sised, so in case I grt a massive windfall, I'll be alright. Anyway, I wasn't doing anything else this summer, so why not?

What?! He's got his mug on the back as well?!

I had a day this week with director Stef O'Driscoll, who I worked with on A Tale From The Bedsit. Stef is now really making a name for herself out there, I think there's 3 shows in Edinburgh this year alone that she's directed, don't quote me on that, she might have been telling me about shows in devlopment. Either way, she's smashing it, so I was lucky to get a day with her. I like to think working with me back on the Bedsit show launched into her new found director stardom, but I can't say that's true, though we did drink a lot of tea and had a good laugh whilst making it, so it was great to get back in the room with her again. She helped me tighten up all the pieces and add what I hope are now the finishing touches. I just have to record one more piece of audio then the thing there is done. I've also managed to recruit a tech to do my sound this week as well, seems like a cool guy and I hope we work well together.  I hope he doesn't like lager as much as I do, then we might have a problem.


So yes, I am now days away from starting. Gonna do a few more of these blogs whilst I'm up there. But if you are up there, I'm at the Pilgrim, everyday except the 16th, 4:15. Just look at the flyer, it's all on there. By the way, flyers are great aren't they.. They were designed by Natlie Clay check her stuff out www.styloclay.com. Peas and taters

Count Up To Edinburgh #6 Hopefully they know what the name means now

Roundhouse Preview Yea, yea, it was sick, yea

Last Thursday I did the first preview for The C/D Borderline at The Roundhouse. You know what? It went really well. I was pretty chuffed on the whole. Yea there were bits that could have gone better, felt I rushed it a bit in places, I was having to mentally slow myself down (in fact it felt like the whole thing lasted about 5 minutes, but often that’s how the best ones go, it was a good 45). The audience were great, it was almost full (probably about 50 people in there) For some, that might be seem low but for me that’s flipping great, it was almost up to capacity and considering there was a massive event going on in the main space (the poetry slam final), Mark Grist and Tim Claire in the studio space, I felt I did really well. The space was perfect, small and cozy. I got in there around 4 in the afternoon and the tech, Tim, who I’ve worked with before was really good, had everything locked-down within about half an hour. I wish all shows went like this one. It’s given me lots to think about in regards to going up to Edinburgh, and, a bit of confidence. Let's see though..

Craft Beers, I’m just not convinced.

Though I never expect them to come, members of my family, some of my best mates and my girlfriend all turned up. They’re all very supportive and I count myself lucky, as they could well be sick of seeing me do this stuff, I imagine it can get pretty boring. As it is, they said they enjoyed it, which I was chuffed about. As it was, with the above attendees all in the venue, there was a lot of boozing involved afterward. Now, as anyone who knows me well, knows I do enjoy a good, crisp, fresh pint of premium lager, or 5. Recently, in the last few years anyway, a lot of these craft lagers now seem quite prominent in certain London boozers. I’m all for little independent businesses thriving and competing with these global giants but when it comes to these craft lagers, I’m yet to drink one that I actually like, and like, there everywhere now. Well, not everywhere, hold tight Ganleys in Morden, that's my spot. I dunno about these craft ones though, maybe they’re trying to hard to make them taste different, throwing all sorts of fruity concoctions together, but for a simpleton like me, it’s too much. Lager aint like ale. The difference between a good tasting one and a shit tasting one is both thin and simple. Roundhouse have that Camden Hell’s lager on tap, it seems to have done very well as is available all over the place. Either way, I had a quite a few of those despite me not really feeling it that much. But what I did feel, was a splitting headache the next day, like one of the worst headaches I’ve had in a long time,  like during my sleep someone slipped into my bedroom whilst I was spark-out and drilled inrto my brain, siphoning out all the fluid. It was like the Stella heaches I used to get before they weakened it a bit. Good night though.

Getting Closer to Edinburgh, In A Tight Situation Now..

 First preview done, Guilford next month but before all of that, there's tomorrow and THIS which will be supa-dupa: 

TICKETS HERE: PBH Free Fringe Benfit Gig at the Bedford, Balham 

Look at all thoses names below all of which will all be at The Edinburgh Fringe this year. Gecko is the man who got me the gig, I'll be featuring in his show tomorrow night. Oddly enough we are both also in the same venue in Edinburgh, The Pilgrim. Small world eh. Reach, it's for a good cause and should be banaging!

Count Up To Edinburgh #5 He thinks it's all sold out, it isnt

I'm using Sub-headings now

 Greetings. Friday. Bank holiday weekend. Half term. Hold tight all my freelancers though, I see you, all these aforementioned days mean nothing, other than more shoulders and elbows eating from the TK Max troff, I've been there. Solidarity.

Tickets

So, I get a couple of calls Sunday night from two people close to me saying they can't get tickets for The C/D Borderline and that it's sold out?! Sold out, I wasn't expecting that and although I was concerned about not being able to get people in,  I was also pretty chuffed. But the chuffed-ness (sounds like a negative word doesn't it? I dunno, like most things in my life, I made it up) was soon followed by paranoia, suspicion, pessimism and all the usual thoughts and feelings that loiter in my head, urninating on my neurons. I thought loads of tickets might have beeen given away or something, or it was a computer glitch, or it was a syndicate buying them all up like one of these Russian / Chinese conglomerates copping all the flats in London and leaving them empty, leaving me to perform to a room full of chairs (wouldn't be the first time). Anyway. It could be all of the above for all I know, I don't have a scooby-doo who's bought tickets, other than the people who've told me. Either way, I'm really pleased tickets have sold.Honestly. I'm pretty focused now on making this the best show I can.

Mug

Anyway, after all that, turns out it hasn't sold out after all, because one of my brothers belled me up on Wednesday saying he just bought a ticket and that it was no longer saying 'sold out' on the site, so I can only assume Roundhouse have released more tickets. As far as I know, it's pretty standard practise for venues to hold tickets back. Pretty funny though, thinking about it. Serves me right for getting excited about selling out. Bottom line is, there's still tickets and you can purchase them here HERE HERE AND HERE. 

Windows 10 would have grassed you up at school for smoking

Fuck off Windows 10. I learnt what personification meant recently. See the above title for an example. For months now I've had this little box that kept flashing up on the little netbook I'm using, asking if I want Windows 10, for free. Well, I ignored it, like one of them chuggers on the high street, trying to get my attention by calling me 'Fella' or 'geezer.' Then last week, whilst in the middle of working on another peice for the show, my computer just started wigging out, like proper going nuts, more than it normally does. The screen did something I'd not seen since the days of un-plugging the NES from the back of the telly. It kept on doing this and then eventually closed down Windows (in the middle of me writing my bloody piece) and spent the next half an hour re-booting. And it re-booted, yea, but it re-booted with Windows flipping 10. Faaack off Windows 10, I didn't ask for this???!!! It's like someone broke into my house during the night and replaced all my CD's with a years worth of Ok Magazine back issues. Long and short, I didn't loose anything, thank God. 

Need someone to voice a teacher? Ask your Nothern mate

 I keep tinkering with the middle and end bit of the show. I had Gary From Leeds over last week, he did a voiceover for me on a new bit that I added for the show. Thnk it should tie it all togethor. It's gonna come throughout the show, well, tjhat's the idea at the minute. Gary did a splendid job, his northern tones made up for Windows 10 breaking into my PC and shitting all over my files. I wrote about Gary on the last Edinburgh blog, have a butchers here

Paul, stop adding stuff to the show.

This is'nt really a new paragraph, just following on from the last bit on the last paragraph, that one above. Look, I've added some new bits to the show yea  and I now need to go and  learn them, before next week. I keep getting ideas for new stories and it's not really helping right now, what with the show date coming up on Thursday. It's fun though, too much fun  and I hope it will make it a better show, but I do need to go and learn all this bollox.

I've gotta go now

 and make myself some dinner. I'll be back soon for another update. As for this Sunday, 'eff all this show bollox, COME ON YOU LIONS!!!!!!! MILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL 

 

Count Up To Edinburgh #4 House Swap with Gary From Leeds

And here we are. Wednesday afternoon, with a cup of tea, back arched over a small screen, waiting for this netbook to load up my blog editing page, with all the efficiency of a pissed-up piss head trying to get a door key out of his pocket without collapsing on the floor. All this show stuff, plus everything else life throws at me, is taking it's toll at the moment, however,  I had a fairly good kip last night, which seems to have temporarily addressed the balance. All good training for Edinburgh I guess. Needless to say, I'm pretty knackered but good nonetheless...

Speaking of training, since I decided, back last summer now, that I wanted to come up to Edinburgh with The C/D Borderline, I've been getting a lot of help from a good few people, but in particular Gary From Leeds, who this year is doing his new show Garibaldi. Despite having performed at the  Edinburgh Fringe a few times over the years, I still feel like I'm really inexperienced, especially in taking a solo show and doing a full 3 week run with it. Gary's been a great help, with bit's of advice, doing scratches together, sorting me out a brilliant and accommodating photographer in Susannah Ireland and more recently, giving up his living room up in Wood Green so I could run through all my shit, in front of a few of his friends. In return, Gary came to Morden, in my living room and did the same. Gary provided water melon. I provided crisps and pizza. Less is more.

Gary From Leeds in Garibaldi. Photo by Susannah Ireland

I could run this flippin' show several times on my todd, up in my bedroom,  pretending that I'm smashing it to a packed audience, all to little avail, other than learning the words, but just running through the show twice, with a few trusted people in front of me was worth a hundred solo bedroom performances. Since the Wood Green and Morden runthrough's (aka the home and away legs) I've been able to make some changes and additions to the show which I think improves the whole thing. Having done quite a few public scratch performance for the Bedsit show, where the audience are encouraged to give feedback, often on written forms, I think they feel pressured to say something about what they've seen, or suggest things, where there might not be anything much to say, so inevitably a lot of it it is just bollox. I much prefer this model of having a small invited audience, just to listen to what I've got and maybe offer a few thoughts. Really, I just want see if the thing is shit or not and if the material works in front of real people. That's it really. Gary provided me with that. All hail Gary, he's from Leeds.

I've known Gary From Leeds for a few years now, first met him when we were supporting Richard Purnel with his Boobs, Work and Me show. This is his 4th Edinburgh show I believe and from what I've seen of Garibaldi so far, it's the best yet, it's gonna be a banger. It's absurd, funny, intelligent and highly entertaining. Probably shit adjectives to describe a very good show. At the very least,  it's a call to arms for all Gary's around the UK to rise up ad support the cause of Gary. We all need a Gary in our lives. Here's another one. Gary From Leeds. Bring him into yours.

You can check Gary's show dates HERE. He's gonna be doing Garibaldi in Manchester, Barnes (yes, Barnes, SW London, there's a fringe there apparently) as well as a few others. Well worth checking out.

Speaking of shows. I'm doing THE C/D BORDERLINE PREVIEW ON 2ND JUNE AT THE ROUNDHOUSE IN CAMDEN. In capitols because I need to sell some tickets. Tickets £7.50, starts at 7 p.m

Go on, buy a TICKET, or 20. Pic by Susannah Ireland

Count Up To Edinburgh: #2 First run through

Hello. Last blog I was a bit pissed off, it happens, it's life, we move on. Even if the moving bit is like Trains Planes and Automobiles, when the car being driven by Steve Martin and John Candy has blown up, but they are still able to drive the thing, all burnt out and just about running but moving none the less. Just did the first run through of all the material so far, with some of the music interludes I've made. It went ok. I'm excited, but also realise there's a lot of work to do. Am playing with a loop station for two of the stories, not 100% confident on it yet but we'll see if that's something I go on to eventually use.

As it stands, there are 8 stories with more to come. In each show there will probably be time for 5 or 6. What I'm aiming for, is to have a whole bunch of material that I'm able to chop and change for each show, depending on the vibe I get with the audience. Each story is written to stand alone but together they all form this wider narrative. When I was a nipper, my big sister had all these Duran Duran 7 inch singles, if you layed them all out together they made this bigger picture, which was also the artwork on the album sleeve, I always liked that idea. So that's what I'm playing with. I'm using the stories form The 90 Sick E.P which are well tested and a few of the others I've preformed at various open mikes and scratch events, so material wise I think I'm in a good place. Just got to learn it all now and work out what I'm doing with each one physically, I have a few ideas..

Putting it altogether was fun though. Whilst doing it, I suddenly felt that pressure to select the right story when the music interludes were playing, it was an odd pressure, the type of which I hadn't felt for a while. Reminded me of MCing in clubs all thoses years ago, anticipating a drop on a tune about to kick in, and I had to quickly work out what lyrics I would use. This is uncharted territory for me, with other shows and spoken word gigs everything is usually pre-planned so I'm a little nervous in that respect, being that it's larlgy unplanned, well sort of anyway.

Gonna have another pop at it today so we'll see how it goes. Enjoy the sunshine

Count up to Edinburgh #1 Doing my own head in

Fuck sake. As much as I often talk about how much I enjoy the solitude of writing and all the other stuff that goes with it, in any given week (often daily in fact) there is without fail several moments where I want to rip off my own head and drop kick it over the garden fence and off into the distance, hoping that it lands in a Biffa Bin somewhere and some kind of salvage hunter finds it and turns it into something actually useful, like a car battery.

So I'm going up to Edinburgh in August for the Fringe festival with this new show called The C/D Borderline. Let's have it right, I'm glad I'm going, I want to go and this time I'm doing it off my own back, partly to see if I can actually do it, as in get the thing up there and pull it off, what with all the stuff that's involved with putting on and promoting a show. It's a lot, it really is, especially for someone like me who really does lack those essential organisational, admin and marketing skills. I'm not worried about getting the punters in (well not at this stage), I have zero expectation on that front, I just want to go up there and put on a good show, with good material and if that's to a handful of people everyday I'm cool with that.

The show itself draws on a lot of my experiences from school, how difficult I found it and how I've struggled as an adult more or less ever since. Those same traits that saw me bunking off, dicking about in class, struggling to understand what the fuck was going on when I actually was trying, mentally withdrawing from whole entire lessons, sitting down at home to do homework but just staring at it on the table to numb to even lift a pen, are all coming to the fore with a vengance in the run up to this. It's like diamond hunters siffing through the mud, except they're not looking for them precsious shiney things, instead it's something shit like, I dunno, used scratch cards or something. I'm probably juggling to many balls at once, as I have a few other projects on the go plus a regular job Mon-Fri. It's a bit nuts but it's always been like this with me and most people I know are in the same boat, a lot of these have children too and that's a whole another level so what am I getting so wound up about?!

I can look at it and see how ridiculous it all is and often I can laugh about it, as you'll hopefully hear in the show, but it's just when I'm at home,on my todd, with a ton of things to do, I'm sat at my desk and suddenly I freeze. My normally hyper active mind just goes blank like someones pulled the ariel out of the telly and before I know it, I've loaded up yet another grime video or a Fire In The Booth freestyle that I've probably seen a hundred times, or I start working on something totally new which has nothing to do with what I'm supposed to be doing. But even when I am concentrating, I just seem to fuck up really important things. Twice in the last month I've had to reply to emails regarding the show, one of which if I hadn't there would be no show, so I spent ages on them; making sure there was no mistakes, re-read them a hundred times, sent them and then bosh!: Surprise-faackin'-surprise I've missed off a vital piece of information on both emails that almost fucked up the whole operation! And I'm left, as ever, embarrassed, humiliated and really fuckin' annoyed with myself. But what's worse, is that someone else at the other end is affected and could quite understandably now think I'm an idiot, well meaning, but an idiot none the less. This has happened before...

No idea what the neighbours must think, what the with the random: FUCKKKK OFFFFFFFs most days as my computer freezes or my phone starts wigging out and I slam my fist down on the desk remembering that I've forgotten to do something, very important, again. The amount of times in the last month I've visualised myself going into Wolverine Berseker mode and smashing up everything around me, before ripping my clothes off and running into the woods to a live a feral life away from humanity, living off Squirrels and Parakeets (as long as I've got Mayonnaise, I'm fine.) Thankfully, I've not smashed anything up, it rarely gets to that stage but I've been close of late. In my school days I used to punch-up a lot of walls and I've put my fist through a few toilet doors (probably in the year 11 toilets in C block, few times I think, apologies) and I've probably damaged my right fist from doing that, which is very stupid considering I use that hand to write, type and grip microphones.

Anyway, this started off as a few lines just to vent a bit, but then I got the idea to make this into an Edinburgh blog, documenting the journey and that, so every cloud has a silver lining I guess. Even if no one reads it it's been kinda fun doing it and certainly better than putting my fist through a door. I also wanted to write about the other side of things a bit. As in the writing / performing stuff. Most of my online activity is either promoting gigs or talking about gigs I've just done and how great they were. To be honest, as cheesy or insincere as it all may seem, that is genuinly how I feel after most gigs, I like doing it. It's been a few years now (my entire adult life actually, plus a bit more, I'm 32) and I still very much enjoy it. But with the smooth of course comes the ruff, and sometimes it's a sheet of discarded sandpaper on the toilet floor when you've just clocked that there's no bog roll and the post man is ringing your doorbell with a recorded delivery of that car battery you so desperately need to get your muggy show to Edinburgh...

Peas and taters